There was an understanding of how
the pages of the book unfolded, like owl wings,
when my mother read to us . . . .
Michael Collier is
both an exemplary citizen of the poetry world and himself a poet of rare depth
and beauty, a musician on the page, a master of the singular metaphor. And one
helluva nice guy. He bends close to the smudge in time that is
one human life and there makes out his known world, as through a fine lens, in
all its smudginess—its ambiguity and indeterminacy, its transience and deceptive
endurance, the mysteries of social relations. In his poems,
it is through the things of our lives that experience is realized—the neighbor
who wields a “30.06” against himself, the same man, a tidy craftsman who fashions
“flies and lures” late into his evenings.
Collier has published six collections of poetry, The Clasp and Other Poems (Wesleyan, 1986), The Folded Heart (Wesleyan, 1989), The Neighbor (University of Chicago, 1995), The Ledge (Houghton Mifflin, 2000), Dark Wild Realm (Houghton Mifflin, 2006), and An Individual History (W.W. Norton, 2012) and has edited three
anthologies, The Wesleyan Tradition: Four
Decades of Contemporary American Poetry (Wesleyan, 1993), The New Bread Loaf Anthology of Contemporary
American Poetry, co-edited with Stanley Plumy (University Press of New
England, 1999), and The New American
Poets: A Bread Loaf Anthology (University Press of New England, 2000). He
is also co-editor, along with Charles Baxter and Edward Hirsch, of A William Maxwell Portrait (W.W. Norton,
2004). His translation of Euripides’s Medea
(Oxford University Press) appeared in 2006 and a collection of essays, Make Us Wave Back (University of
Michigan Press), in 2007. The Ledge was
nominated for the National Book Critics Circle Award and the Los Angeles Times
Book Prize.
Collier
has received an Award in Literature from the American Academy of Arts and
Letters, two National Endowment for the Arts Fellowships, a Guggenheim
Fellowship, the Alice Fay di Castagnola Prize from the Poetry Society of
America, and a Discovery/The Nation Award. Seminal to his development as a poet
were the Thomas J. Watson Travelling Fellowship and a residency fellowship at
the Fine Arts Work Center in Provincetown.
Since
1995 Collier has served as the sixth director of the Bread Loaf Writers’
Conference, where he has helped to revitalize one of America’s most valuable
literary institutions. He is a Professor of English at the University of Maryland.
A Selection of Poems
by Michael Collier,
including four uncollected poems
from
The Clasp and Other Poems (Wesleyan
University Press, 1986):
In Khabarovsk
Mud
rising through thin snow,
and
a dull welder’s light
shining
from the fires on the ice below—
as
if from this quiet and vista
memory
started out as a bright sun
against
the completely unremembered.
Just
as in another part of the city,
the
thin Ussuri bends to confluence,
and
Lenin Prospect ends at a granite
esplanade,
steep gardens
leveling
to a beach. In summer
families
watch fireworks rising
from
ghost-lit barges: this
in
a travel brochure in my pocket,
which
also shows the snow-covered square
in
front of Hotel Europe,
from
which I gauged the bend of my first walk
to
this bank, without memory,
where
beyond the fires
lay
the blue horizon of China
and
the barges setting out from there,
the
lumberers with their last loads
of
stolen larch, magpies circling;
and
all the exhalations of horses and men,
like
warm beats against the cold,
moved
immunely over the snapping ice.
Then
it was only in the river’s name, Amur,
and
after a long time
came
a memory of love.
Two Girls in a Chair
Of
the childhood photographs my wife
has
given me, my favorite has her sitting
in
a black alumni chair;
a
college’s gold seal and part of a Latin motto
curve
beneath her right ear.
She’s
eight or nine, hair bobbed, dressed
in
a white T-shirt and black tights
that
reach only mid-calf.
She
holds a neighbor friend in her lap,
someone
whose leotards are ripped at the knees.
My
wife’s arms wrap around her friend’s waist,
and
her friend’s feet dangle over the lily-
and
fern-patterned linoleum.
Often
when I enter my room, I notice only
this
photograph, wedged among others,
and
have felt a surprise of recognition
in
those childhood friends
who
could not now remember each other’s name,
cannot
recall what day of a New England summer
ended
or began their long affection.
Eyepiece
I
had been thinking about the moon,
how
you see it
from
the back of a truck
at
a neighbor’s house—
emerald
with a little gold—
while
the neighbor reminds you not
to
press too hard on the eyepiece.
I
did once and the moon disappeared,
or
something shut down
inside
the telescope, and I was alone
on
the truck, smaller than the tripod,
wondering
how I’d lost
the
big moon in the big sky.
Like
once, home late from a party,
I
stopped in the yard
to
turn gray-white in moonlight.
The
grass, a blue bristle,
blew
back and forth unevenly,
and
when I closed my eyes
a
light filled my head.
Then
my lover came outside and found me
lost
in a privacy
that
scared her. In bed
I
told her I had been thinking
about
the suicide of my college roommate.
Then
I reassured her
and
we tried to make love, but when
that
part of ourselves that had shut down
so
long ago began to open,
we
pressed too hard
and
were alone again. In a few weeks
I
was too sullen to live with,
and
like the moon
that
disappeared from the eyepiece
at
my neighbor’s house
we
couldn’t be restored.
Those
neighbors disappeared
from
the block because of divorce:
how
we all disappear under a moon
which
my roommate said
hangs
high in every neighborhood.
from
The Folded Heart (Wesleyan University
Press, 1989):
Feedback
You
are down on your knees, but you are not praying.
You
are holding the hollow body
of
your cherrywood Gretsch Tennessean
guitar
across your thighs,
and
you are pressing the right side of your face
against
the black grille of the Fender Bandmaster amp
whose
ruby pilot light glows like a planet in the dark.
You
are listening to the last chord that fades into the black
cone
of the speaker, which is ridged and grooved
like
the walls of Hell and leaves only a ghost vibration
in
your ear. And you are waiting for your friend to lower
the
tone arm of the black plastic GE Stereo
onto
the grooves of the record so you can imitate
Blue
Cheer, Quicksilver, Jefferson Airplane,
and
curve your shoulders over the guitar like a bird
holding
its wings in glide, while your friend
rocks
and jerks, gives himself over to the pulse
that
drives you deeper and deeper
to
the center of your teenage hearts. You are raw
and
born for the distortion that lives beyond your ears
in
the darkness, and is too loud with fuzztone
and
wah-wah pedal. And each note or chord you strike
in
imitation is partially saved, suspended,
as
you pull and pump the vibrato’s thin blade
and
stir the molecules of sound as your long hair
obscures
your faces, and you recede deeper, more separate,
into
your selves here in this world, on this earth,
in
the converted garage with its brown Georgia-Pacific
paneling and green burlap curtains that hang
above
the avocado-green carpet.
The Diver
On
television my sister emerges
three
meters above the water
like
something carved from light,
where
she balances on the springboard,
and
like a graceful sleepwalker extends
her
arms as counterweights. A doll
of
perfect will, she rules her fear
of
heights by tracing little circles
with
cupped hands and then drops her arms
to
start the swift wing beats of a creature
who
has taught herself not to fly but to land,
more
intricate than flight for the twists
and
knots and folded arms that make her appear
wounded
in midair, beyond recovery, though
recovery
comes quickly once she clasps
her
hands, entwines her thumbs to make a sieve
through
which the water passes and allows
her
head to enter, then shoulders and hips.
And
this is how I always see her, half in,
half
out of water, her body perpendicular,
toes
matched, as if there is no place for
error
in the world and all her body’s
perfection
was meant to disappear beneath
her
splash—a light she carves and shatters.
The Cave
I
think of Plato and the limited technology
of
his cave, the primitive projection
incapable
of fast forward or reverse,
stop
action or slo mo and the instant replay
that
would have allowed him to verify,
once
and for all, Justice or the Good,
such
as the way my family did, hour upon hour,
in
the dark, watching films of my sister
diving,
going over her failures and successes
like
a school of philosophers, arguing
fiercely,
pulling her up from the depths
of
the blue water, feet first, her splash
blooming
around her hips, then dying out
into
a calm flat sheet as her fingertips appeared.
Sometimes
we kept her suspended in her mimesis
of
gainer and twist until the projector’s lamp
burned
blue with smoke and the smell of acetate
filled
the room. Always from the shabby armchairs
of
our dialectic we corrected the imperfect
attitude
of her toes, the tuck of her chin,
took
her back to the awkward approach or weak
hurdle
and everywhere restored the half-promise
of
her form, so that each abstract gesture
performed
in an instant of falling revealed
that
fond liaison of time and movement,
the
moment held in the air, the illusion
of
something whole, something true.
And
though what we saw on the screen would never
change,
never submit to our arguments, we believed
we
might see it more clearly and understand
that
what we judged was a result of poor light
or
the apparent size of things or the
change
an
element evokes, such as when we allowed her
to
reenter the water and all at once her body
skewed
with refraction, an effect we could not save
her
from, though we hauled her up again and again.
from
The Neighbor (University of Chicago
Press, 1995):
Archimedes
The
name of the trailer
was
“Lil’! Dude,”
the
engine an Evinrude,
the
boat a Glassport,
and
under the yellow
bug-light
of the carport
across
the street,
my
neighbor proved
his
boast that with one
finger
under the tongue
of
the trailer,
he
could lift the boat,
raise
the bow as high
as
his chest and haul
the
rig by slow steps
onto
the drive where
his
pick-up idled,
and
its running lights,
orange
and yellow,
trimmed the camper shell.
The
name of the camper
was
“Six Pac,” the truck
“Apache.”
Gerry cans
and
butane tanks lashed
to
the bumper and wheel
wells,
and when he lowered
the
trailer onto
the
chrome sphere
of
the hitch, the ball
and
socket clicked.
He
wrapped the safety
chains,
like ligaments,
around the mount bolted
to
the chassis, then
checked
the safety
on
the winch.
Inside
the truck,
he
eased the handbrake off
and
the whole rig,
on
its own, rolled
into
the street.
And
later, on the lake,
he
held the Coleman
lantern
over the dark
water,
and fish rose
to
it as to the sun,
a
ball of gas burning
in
a silk mantel, a lung
bright,
reflected in the housing
glass
like the source
of
good to which everything
from
its darkness turns—
depths
of water, depths
of
earth-words rising
to
join their things. A flensing
knife
strapped to his belt,
blade
and handle shaped
like
a fish and the fish
in
the water,
shaped
like the knife.
2212 West Flower Street
When
I think of the man who lived in the house
behind
ours and how he killed his wife
and
then went into his own back yard,
a
few short feet from my bedroom window,
and
put the blue-black barrel of his 30.06
inside
his mouth and pulled the trigger,
I
do not think about how much of the barrel
he
had to swallow before his fingers reached the trigger,
nor
the bullet that passed out the back of his neck,
nor
the wild orbit of blood that followed
his
crazy dance before he collapsed in a clatter
over
the trash cans, which woke me.
Instead
I think of how quickly his neighbors restored
his
humanity, remembering his passion
for
stars which brought him into his yard
on
clear nights, with a telescope and tripod,
or
the way he stood in the alley in his rubber boots
and
emptied the red slurry from his rock tumblers
before
he washed the glassy chunks of agate
and
petrified wood. And we remembered, too,
the
goose-neck lamp on the kitchen table
that
burned after dinner and how he worked
in
its bright circle to fashion flies and lures.
The
hook held firmly in a jeweler’s vise,
while
he wound the nylon tread around the haft
and
feathers. And bending closer to the light,
he
concentrated on tying the knots, pulling them tight
against
the coiled threads. And bending closer still,
turning
his head slightly toward the window,
his
eyes lost in the dark yard, he took the thread ends
in
his teeth and chewed them free: Perhaps he saw us
standing
on the sidewalk watching him, perhaps he didn’t.
He
was a man so much involved with what he did,
and
what he did was so much of his loneliness,
our
presence didn’t matter. No one’s did.
So
careful and precise were all his passions,
he
must have felt the hook with its tiny barbs
against
his lip, sharp and trigger-shaped.
It
must have been a common danger for him—
the
wet clear membrane of his mouth threatened
by
the flies and lures, the beautiful enticements
he
made with his own hands and the small loose
thread
ends which clung to the roof of his mouth
and
which he tried to spit out like an annoyance
that
would choke him.
The Barber
Even
in death he roams the yard in his boxer shorts,
plowing
the push-mower through bermuda grass,
bullying
it against the fence and tree trunks,
chipping
its twisted blades on the patio’s edge.
The
chalky flint and orange spark of struck concrete
floats
in the air, tastes like metal, smells,
like
the slow burn of hair on his electric clippers.
And
smelling it, I feel the hot shoe of the shaver
as
he guided it in a high arc around my ears,
then
set the sharp toothy edge against my sideburns
to
trim them square, and how he used his huge stomach
to
butt the chair and his flat hand palming my head
to
keep me still, pressing my chin down as he cleaned
the
ragged wisps of hair along my neck.
A
fat inconsolable man whose skill and pleasure
was
to clip and shear, to make raw and stubble
all
that grew in this world, expose the scalp,
the
place of roots and nerves and make vulnerable,
there
in the double mirrors of his shop, the long
stem-muscles
of our necks. And so we hung below
his
license in its cheap black frame, above the violet
light
of the scissors shed with its glass jars
of
germicide and the long tapered combs soaking
in
its blue iridescence. Gruff when he wasn’t silent,
he
was a neighbor to fear, yet we trusted him
beyond
his anger, beyond his privacy. He was like a father
we
could hate, a foil for our unspent vengeance,
though
vengeance was always his. He sent us back
into
the world burning and itching, alive with the horror
of
closing eyes in the pinkish darkness
of
his shop and having felt the horse-hair brush, talc-filled,
cloying,
too sweet for boyhood, whisked across the face.
Robert Wilson
Though
he is dead now and his miracle
will
do us no good, I must remind myself
of
what he gave, plainly,
and
without guile, to all of us on the crumbling
flood-gutted
bank of the Verde River
as
we watched him, the fat boy,
the
last one to cross, ford the violent shallows.
And
how we provided him the occasion for his grace
tying
his black tennis shoes to a bamboo fishing pole
and
dangling them, like a simple bait,
out
of reach, jerking them higher each time he rose
from
his terrified crouch in the middle
of
the shin-high rapids churning beneath him,
like
an anger he never expressed.
And
yet what moved us was not his earnestness
in
trying to retrieve his shoes, nor his willingness
to
be the butt of our jokes. What moved us
was
how the sun struck the gold attendance star
pinned
on the pocket flap of his uniform
as
he fell head first
into
the water and split his face,
a
gash he quickly hid with his hands,
though
blood leaked through his fingers as he stood
straight
in the river and walked deftly toward us
out
of the water to his shoes
that
lay abandoned at our feet.
The Rancher
When
he rises from his naugahyde recliner
to
shake your hand, he cups his fingers
behind
his ear to catch your name.
He
grips your hand to see if you’re man
enough
to date his daughter, and though
you’re
barely man enough, you’ve got
the
strength to pass his test.
You
meet his eyes that know exactly
how
to judge a lamb or yearling’s face
and
what he sees in yours he doesn’t trust.
How
could he? When his daughter’s dressed
and
wearing make-up, he calls her cheap,
a
floozie. His wife’s her pimp.
He’s
not bad, his daughter tells you.
We’re all women in this
house, that’s hard
on him, and Mom’s such a
bitch.
When
he’s drunk, he comes into her room
with
what she calls his badger’s muzzle
and
sniffs her neck and shoulders.
But
what’s worse, she tells you, is when
she
comes home from her dates and if he’s
still
awake, he lifts her dress or puts
his
hand inside her Levis. And so each time
you
came to pick her up, he looked at you
as
both the one who’d save his daughter
and
use her. He told you once, she lies
don’t trust her, and then, as if to
prove it,
he
led you to the service porch,
where
a freezer, as large as a grave casing,
paralleled
his beat-up truck. He propped
the
freezer open with a piece of 2x4,
high
enough so that the light inside
illumined
rows and stacks of plastic bags,
clear,
the contents burred with ice.
Each
one contained what looked to you
like
scallops, though larger. He reached inside
and
knocked a bag loose with his fist,
then
picked it up and said, She’ll do to you
what I did to sheep to
get these,
then
threw the bag back in, closed the lid,
slapped
you on the ass and squeezed you,
hard.
You felt the badger’s muzzle then,
prickly
and wiry, his cheek like a shaved pelt,
and
then heard what he said, a whisper,
You tell me what it’s
like with her
and I’ll be glad to
listen.
from
The Ledge (Houghton Mifflin, 2000):
Argos
lf
you think Odysseus too strong and brave to cry,
that
the god-loved, god-protected hero
when
he returned to Ithaka disguised,
intent
to check up on his wife
and
candidly apprize the condition of his kingdom,
steeled
himself resolutely against surprise
and
came into his land cold-hearted, clear-eyed,
ready
for revenge—then you read Homer as I did,
too
fast, knowing you’d be tested for plot
and
major happenings, skimming forward to the massacre,
the
shambles engineered with Telemakhos
by
turning beggar and taking up the challenge of the bow.
Reading
this way you probably missed the tear
Odysseus
shed for his decrepit dog, Argos,
who’s
nothing but a bag of bones asleep atop
a
refuse pile outside the palace gates. The dog is not
a
god in earthly clothes, but in its own disguise
of
death and destitution is more like Ithaka itself.
And
if you returned home after twenty years
you
might weep for the hunting dog
you
long ago abandoned, rising from the garbage
of
its bed, its instinct of recognition still intact,
enough
will to wag its tail, lift its head, but little more.
Years
ago you had the chance to read that page more closely
but
instead you raced ahead, like Odysseus, cocksure
with
your plan. Now the past is what you study,
where
guile and speed give over to grief so you might stop,
and
desiring to weep, weep more deeply.
My Crucifixion
Not
blasphemy so much as curiosity
and
imitation suggested I lie faceup
and
naked on my bedroom floor,
arms
stretched out like His,
feet
crossed at the ankles,
and
my head lolling in that familiar
defeated
way, while my sisters worked
with
toy wooden hammers to drive
imagined
spikes through my hands and feet.
A
spiritual exercise? I don’t think so.
For
unlike Christ my boy-size penis stiffened
like
one of Satan’s fingers.
I
was dying a savior’s death and yet
what
my sisters called my “thing”
struggled
against extinction
as
if its resurrection could not be held off
by
this playful holy torture, nor stopped
except
by the arrival of my parents,
who
stood above us suddenly like prelates,
home
early from their supper club,
stunned,
but not astonished, to find
the
babysitter asleep and the inquisitive
nature
of our heathenish hearts amok
in
murderous pageantry.
Brave Sparrow
whose
home is in the straw
and
baling twine threaded
in
the slots of a roof vent
who
guards a tiny ledge
against
the starlings
that
cruise the neighborhood
whose
heart is smaller
than
a heart should be,
whose
feathers stiffen
like
an arrow fret to quicken
the
hydraulics of its wings,
stay
there on the metal
ledge,
widen your alarming
beak,
but do not flee as others have
to
the black walnut vaulting
overhead.
Do not move outside
the
world you’ve made
from
baling twine and straw.
The
isolated starling fears
the
crows, the crows gang up
to
rout a hawk. The hawk
is
cold. And cold is what
a
larger heart maintains.
The
owl at dusk and dawn,
far
off, unseen, but audible,
repeats
its syncopated intervals,
a
song that’s not a cry
but
a whisper rising from concentric
rings
of water spreading out across
the
surface of a catchment pond.
It
asks, “Who are you? Who
are
you?” but no one knows.
stay
where you are, nervous, jittery.
Move
your small head a hundred
ways,
a hundred times, keep
paying
attention to the terrifying
world.
And if you see the robins
in
their dirty orange vests
patrolling
the yard like thugs,
forget
about the worm. Starve
yourself,
or from the air inhale
the
water you may need, digest
the
dust. And what the promiscuous
cat
and jaybirds do, let them
do
it, let them dart and snipe,
let
them sound like others.
They
sleep when the owl sends
out
its encircling question.
Stay
where you are, you lit fuse,
you
dull spark of saltpeter and sulfur.
The Wave
Vendors
with racks of soft drinks, palettes
of
cotton candy, ice cream in bright insulated
bags,
pretzels in metal cabinets, and the peanut
man
with his yellow peanut earring. Money folded
between
fingers, spokes of green waving
in
the glad pandemonium greeting the Budman
with
his quick-pouring mechanism strapped
to
his wrist like a prosthesis, or the hotdog guy
genuflecting
in the steep aisles, anointing
the
roll and weenie with mustard before passing
it
down to the skinny kid sitting between fat parents.
In
the air above us the flittering birds, attracted
and
repelled by planetary field lights, swoop
in
ecstatic arcs, trapped under a dark invisible dome.
The
park organ, the JumboTron, the mascot
pacing
atop the visitors’ dugout, taunting them
with
oversize antics, while the groundskeepers
mist
the infield with a fire hose, leavening
the
calm, raked earth . . . . Later, in the fifth
or
sixth, two soldiers sitting next to me, who
have
paced each other with a beer an inning and kept
their
buzz buffed with a flask, take off their shirts,
though
the night’s cool, and move to the front row,
where
they face the crowd, sweep up their arms,
and command us to rise from our
seats.
At first only a few respond, but
like molecules quickening
or cells dividing or herds
stampeding, we coalesce—
orison provoking unison—section by
section, as if
township by township, our standing
up and sitting down
becomes the Simon Says and Mother
May I? of a nation,
as it runs through our rippling,
shimmering, upraised hands
that form the crest of a wave built on
the urges
and urgings of the soldiers, whose
skin is slick with sweat
or some other labor and whose goal
now, for all of us,
for themselves, for the players on
the field, is simply to stay
in the wave, to keep it going for as
long as they can.
from
Dark Wild Realm (Houghton Mifflin,
2006):
Birds Appearing in a Dream
One had feathers like a blood-streaked koi,
another a tail of color-coded wires.
One was a blackbird stretching orchid wings,
another a flicker with a wounded head.
All
flew like leaves fluttering to escape,
bright,
circulating in burning air,
and
all returned when the air cleared.
One
was a kingfisher trapped in its bower,
deep
in the ground, miles from water.
Everything
is real and everything isn’t.
Some
had names and some didn’t.
Named
and nameless shapes of birds,
at
night my hand can touch your feathers
and
then I wipe the vernix from your wings,
you
who have made bright things from
shadows,
you
who have crossed the distances to roost in me.
The Lift
Birdsong
in the morning air
and
the whir of my neighbor’s lift
as
it raises him in his wheelchair
onto
the bed of his truck.
Not
someone to pity, he locks the wheels
in
place and like a gymnast
on
parallel bars manages himself
from
his seat and then, in a move
too
quick to see, disappears, though
because I’ve been there beside him
I
know he’s on all fours crawling
to
the tailgate where he swings
over
the edge and continues
in
the dirt of the drive. Sometimes
when
I’m weeding the garden
or
admiring sunlight through leaves
the
electric whir of the lift, followed
by
its silence, breaks through and then
the
hoof-slap of palms on the ground,
the
scrape of shoes pulled along
by
his strength, and I see him
as
I did the first time, hoisting
a
chainsaw, by block and tackle,
and
then himself, into the blighted tree
towering
between our yards
and
which, limb by limb;
branch
and trunk,
he
cut down and stacked
.
The Missing Mountain
Cars
could reach the mountain’s saddle,
a
notch between two peaks, and there
survey
the grid of lighted streets,
a
bursting net of beads and sequins,
a
straining movement cruising for release.
“As
far as the eye could see,” though
few
cared to look, was across the valley
to
the other mountain, whose ridge
stood
gaffed with broadcast towers, bright
harpoons
quivering out our songs.
“Oh,
wouldn’t it be nice,” the Beach Boys
harmonized.
And it was. Sometimes I saw
the
Milky Way invade the grid, Andromeda,
Draco,
and great Betelgeuse bridging
the
avenues and lanes, filling up acres
of
vast parking lots. Sometimes I stared
powerfully
into space where glowworms
of
matter spun in pinwheels of gas.
What does it mean to be
alive?
a
voice asked. What does it mean
to
have a voice speaking from inside?
Once
I found a cockpit canopy from
a
fighter jet in my neighbor’s yard,
where
it had fallen from the sky.
No
one ever claimed it, such a large,
specific,
useless thing, like the shoe
a
giant leaves behind, like a mountain
from
childhood—missing or pulverized—
it
leaves a shape that once you see it
overwhelms
the mind or makes a cloud
that
is the shape of what the mountain was,
the
sea floor covered with the sea.
“Oh,
wouldn’t it be nice,” I used to sing,
and
the mountains all around me answered,
but
not the question I had asked.
Bardo
Dangerously
frail is what his hand was like
when
he showed up at our house,
three
or four days after his death,
and
stood at the foot of our bed.
Though we had expected him to appear
in
some form, it was odd, the clarity
and
precise decrepitude of his condition,
and
how his hand, frail as it was,
lifted
me from behind my head, up from the pillow,
so
that no longer could I claim it was a dream,
nor
deny that what your father wanted,
even
with you sleeping next to me,
was
to kiss me on the lips:
There
was no refusing his anointing me
with
what I was meant to bear of him
from
where he was, present in the world,
a
document loose from the archives
of
form—not spectral, not corporeal—
in
transit, though not between lives or bodies:
those lips on mine, then mine on yours.
from
An Individual History (W.W. Norton,
2012):
An Individual History
This
was before the time of lithium and Zoloft
before
mood stabilizers and anxiolytics
and
almost all the psychotropic drugs, but not before Thorazine,
which
the suicide O’Laughlin called “handcuffs for the mind.”
It
was before, during, and after the time of atomic fallout,
Auschwitz,
the Nakba, DDT, and you could take water cures,
find
solace in quarantines, participate in shunnings,
or
stand at Lourdes among the canes and crutches.
It
was when the March of Time kept taking off its boots.
Fridays
when families prayed the Living Rosary
to
neutralize communists with prayer.
When
electroshock was electrocution
and
hammers recognized the purpose of a nail.
And
so, if you were as crazy as my maternal grandmother was then
you
might make the pilgrimage she did through the wards
of
state and private institutions,
and
make of your own body a nail for pounding, its head
sunk
past quagmires, coups d’etat, and disappearances
and
in this way find a place in history
among
the detained and unparoled, an individual like her,
though
hidden by an epoch of lean notation—“Marked
Parkinsonian
tremor,” “Chronic paranoid type”—
a
time when the animal slowed by its fate
was
excited to catch a glimpse of its tail
or
feel through her skin the dulled-over joy
when
for a moment her hands were still.
My Mother of
Invention
The
needle goes up and down on my mother’s Singer,
squat
blade with its gold scroll and script,
shaped
like a smokestack turned on its side.
Have
you ever seen a dipper bobbing in a stream?
It’s
like the Singer but so much slower. Its beak
makes
thread of water and sews patterns of spreading ripples.
Such
a fierce engine at the center of creation
and
beautifully sculpted, a porcelain boot
or
a falconer’s gauntlet. The dipper likes the action
of
a cataract, the rapid tumble of rapids,
and
if it wants walks easily along the stream’s pebbly bottom.
Hour
after hour, my mother’s fingers fed the fabric
through
the pressing foot, kept the seams flat,
while
thread spooled out and the bobbin coaxed up
from
its metal gear held the stitch.
The
American Dipper? What joy in finding such a bird.
Its
short trills punctuated by sharp, clear zeets.
Its
eyelid white against total gray, when it blinks.
If
it didn’t exist, you’d have to make it up.
You’d
have to give it its own day of creation,
a
day of translucent patterns, pinking shears, and pins.
You’d
have to say, come see how the sewing machine
in
its sleek skin dips and bobs and swims,
and
how my mother, white eyelid lined blue,
sings
her same stitched tune—never remembered
so
never heard—and how like a solitary
calls
out, not in air but under water.
Grandmother
with Mink Stole,
Sky
Harbor Airport, Phoenix, Arizona, 1959
It
rode on her shoulders
flayed
in its purposes of warmth and glamour.
Its
head like a small dog’s and its eyes
more
sympathetic than my mother’s eyes’ kindness
which
was vast. Four paws for good luck
but
also tiny sandbags of mortification and ballast,
and
in the black claws a hint of brooch or clasp.
Secured
like that the head could loll and the teeth
in
the snout’s fixed grin was the clenched “Oh, shit!”
of
road kill askew in the gutter. This she wore
no
matter the weather and always, always,
when
she stepped from the plane and paused,
at
the top of the rolling stairs, she fit her hand
to
her brow against the glare of concrete and desert,
not
a white glove’s soft salute but a visor
that
brought us into focus. Mother and Father waving first,
then
oldest to youngest, dressed in our Easter best,
we
were prodded to greet her, she who gripped the hot,
gleaming
rail, set her teeth in the mink’s stiff grin,
and
walked through the waterless, smokeless mirage between us.
She
who wore the pelt, the helmet of blue hair
and
came to us mint and camphor-scented, more strange
than
her unvisited world of trees and seasons,
offering
us two mouths, two sets of lips, two expressions:
the
large, averted one we were meant to kiss and the other
small,
pleading, that if we had the choice, we might choose.
The Bees of Deir Kifa
The
sun going down is lost in the gorge to the south,
lost
in the rows of olive trees, light in the webs of their limbs.
This
is the time when the thousands and thousands come home.
It
is not the time for the keeper’s veil and gloves,
not
the time for stoking the smoker with pine needles.
It
would be better to do that at midday, under a hot sun,
when
the precincts are quieter; it would be better to disturb
few
rather than many. At noon, the hives are like villages,
gates
opened toward the sun or like small countries
carved
from empires to keep the peace, each with its habits—
some
ruled better by better queens, some frantic and uncertain,
some
with drifting populations, others busy with robbing,
and
even the wasps and hornets, the fierce invaders who have settled
among
the natives, are involved in the ancient trades.
But
now with the sun gone, the blue summer twilight
tinged
with thyme and the silver underside of olive leaves
calm
in the furrowed groves, darkening the white chunks
of
limestone exposed in the tillage, the keeper in his vestments
squeezes the bellows
of the smoker, blows a thin blue stream
into an entrance,
loosens the top, like a box lid, and delivers more.
For a while, the hive
cannot understand what it says to itself.
Now a single Babel
presides in the alleys and passageways
and as block by
block, the keeper takes his census,
he could go ungloved,
unveiled, if it weren’t for the un-pacified,
the unconfused,
returning, mouths gorged with nectar,
legs orange with
pollen, landing, amassing, alerting the lulled
to scale their wax
trellis or find the glove’s worn thumb, the hood’s
broken zipper and
plant the eviscerating stinger.
For Zein and Bilal
El-Amine
Uncollected and New
Poems:
PENN
RELAYS
My
father is searching his wrist,
patting
with fingers that moments before
nervously
fiddled the bed sheet’s hem.
Those
of us near see in his fidget
a
body reading the braille of its dying.
But
all my father wants is his wrist watch,
the
one with PENN RELAYS running
around
the face of the clock. It would give him
some
comfort to wear, not that he knows
where
he is, not that he cares about time,
but
he’s never not had it awake, strapped
to
his wrist, not since he and his teammates
won
what’s engraved on the back:
Half-Mile Relay
Championship of America 1937
from The Atlantic
His Highness’s Dog at Kew
That’s who I am, pampered, well fed, trampling
slack-leashed into the beds, blooming
or not, depositing my turds and sprinkling tulip stalks
whose buds are like the bud I lick.
And though I look like a dust mop,
a
four-legged moustache, trim my bangs, and as fierce as an Assyrian
sight hound,
I’ll find my way back to Peritas or La Vega Real, snout wet with the gore of human bowel.
But
for now a squeaky, annoying yap
warns
as well as a mastiff’s bark.
Truth is, I’m weightless in a lap
and, on a cold day, I like a cardigan, at night, a stiff brush,
all of which sharpens the loneliness I feel.
So that’s who I am
and now if
you don’t mind, tell me,
whose dog are you.
from Poetry Northwest
Last Morning with Steve Orlen
“Last
Night I wrote a Russian novel or maybe it was English.
Either
way, it was long and boring. My wife’s
laughter
might
tell you which it was, and when she stops,
when
she’s not laughing, let’s talk about the plot,
and
its many colors. The blue that hovered in the door
where
the lovers held each other but didn’t kiss.
The
red that by mistake rose in the sky with the moon,
and
the moon-colored sun that wouldn’t leave the sky.
All
night I kept writing it down, each word arranged
in
my mouth, but now, as you can see, I’m flirting
with
my wife. I’m making her laugh. She’s twenty.
I’m
twenty-five, just as we were when we met, just
as
we have always been, except for last night’s novel,
Russian
or English, with its shimmering curtain of color,
an
unfading show of Northern Lights, what you, you asshole,
might
call Aurora Borealis.
So
sit down on the bed with my wife and me.
Faithful
amanuensis, you can write down my last words,
not
that they’re great but maybe they are.
You
wouldn’t know. You’re an Aurora Borealis.
But
my wife is laughing and you’re laughing too.
Just
as we were at the beginning, just as we are at the end.”
from Greensboro Review
“Birds Appearing in a Dream,” “The Missing Mountain,” and “The
Lift” from Dark Wild Realm: Poems by
Michael Collier Copyright © 2006 by Michael Collier. Reprinted by permission of
Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. All rights reserved.
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