The Innisfree Poetry Journal
www.innisfreepoetry.org
by Susan Bucci Mockler
END OF WINTER Last summer, I watched you in the lake, waist deep, tossing my children into the green water. Like small birds launched from your shoulders. Geese feathers and droppings covered the sand, as though the whole flock of them had just lain down and slept, too tired to fly. Last night, we heard the wind ripping through the trees outside my house, blowing all of our desires into the branches-- temperatures dropping by the hour. Inside, the fire jumped and hissed and your calm voice lulled me, like a child's warm breath in my ear. You told me how you used to throw fine pieces of fruit into the night sky, just to see how close the bats would dive to the ground before swooping up again. WHAT I WISH I DIDN'T KNOW It is cold and cloudy, disorder fills my house-- smashed broccoli under the table, the noise, the crying, the fighting: who gets the bigger piece of cake, who might have had two desserts? People rarely do what I think they should and listen less to what I say. A man with gorgeous blue eyes seems to like me, but he is not waiting for me to leave my husband and ride off with him on the back of his motorcycle. Or, at least, so far, he hasn't asked. I want to jump my horse over fences, but, first, I probably should learn how to get him to trot. I get headaches. Often, I lose time and lie still in the dark, a cold cloth on my face.
MY FATHER'S SISTER They asked me to babysit you, my 70-year-old aunt with pink oozing sores on your arms. You smelled bad, too, so I did not want to get too close, and you liked to take out your teeth and chase us around the yard. You could not be left alone or you would hallucinate the policeman, Junior Minelli, making my sister put on her pants in the street, as though she would stand in the middle of the street with no pants on. So I sat with you and listened to you talk to your dead brother: Remember, Nick? Remember when Pa was alive and he'd let me ride his horse down to the muck and you'd have to walk? Remember? Then, one day you slipped when you tried to get up from your chair to go get a cup of tea. I could not catch you and didn't really want to touch you, and you laughed that heavy snorting you'd do, asking me what would my father say if he saw you slip like that from the chair and knew I let you fall?
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